By N. King Prather
My insides have been in knots since I heard Rep. Mo Brooks of Alabama, on Jan. 6, say that today is the day “we kick ass and take names.” His audience included a significant number of hate groups, and not long after, these groups assaulted the U.S. Capitol.
I have roots in Alabama. I am writing this because others like me have to speak up. Black Lives Matter. Justice is a process, not an outcome. Silence is complicity.
My mom and dad were racists. Writing that was hard; I hope it is encouraging.
In 1832 my 4x great-grandfather bequeathed to my namesake “one Negro man named Tom.” In the late 1800s, my 2x great grandmother made costumes for the KKK. Sheets were left behind the woodpile and returned there, sewn. I’d like to find Tom’s heirs.
My story is not unique. My family and parents were loving, attentive, and religious. Other than their views on race, they were exemplary. In every other area of our lives, it was I who let them down.
I didn’t imagine them as bigots growing up, though my mom harbored a distrust of “foreigners” and my dad believed that “the Southern farmer was the best friend the Negro ever had.” “She’s got some white in her,” he observed after Vanessa Williams was named the first Black Miss America. Subtleties, all.
Dad was the son of an illiterate loom fixer in rural Alabama. His grandfather was George Washington Prather. Good folk, patriotic, family first. Through the U.S. Army, he escaped Alabama and a first marriage. We didn’t speak about that growing up, or that he attended the uber-racist Strom Thurmond Dixiecrat convention in 1948.
He served active duty in WWII and Korea and retired in 1963 to Arlington, Virginia, where I grew up. Together we saw JFK on Veteran’s Day 1963, and shook hands with Gov. George Wallace on a summer vacation in the late ‘60s. We laughed with Archie Bunker together. Dad died in 1991 before I learned about inherent bias. He died believing in the “Myth of the Lost Cause.” I loved him.
Mom was raised on a tenant farm in 1930-40s Alabama, survived abuse and family theft, dropped out of high school in the 8thgrade to tend to a baby brother and take lunch out to the field.
She was married and divorced twice by 18. Hurt people hurt. She forged a 60-year career on the retail floors of the Washington, D.C. area. But after the MLK riots in 1968 she rarely entered the District, about which she would say: “I ain’t lost nothing over there.” She would not have comprehended inherent bias, or the white privilege she enjoyed. I loved her.
We went to church each Sunday and rarely were we overtly racist. I was taught not to use the “N” word, although it was part of the soundtrack of our summer vacations to visit family in the deep South. Sometimes, too, from my mom behind a wheel of a car. Driving expanded her vocabulary.
Our vacations in Alabama were littered with relatives who bragged about dropping fireworks in the integrated bathroom stalls or who taught their dogs to bark at the “N” word. The maid who came on Tuesdays, the nurse who administered allergy shots and the handyman were a perfect supporting cast for my privilege.
Two years after our schools integrated, my 5th-grade teacher was a Black man, Mr. Marsh. He’s among my top five educators. I snuck a radio into 6thgrade to listen to a Black man chase a white man’s home run record. I was sad when I read about the death threats he was receiving at the time. Hank Aaron was my hero.
Given all this, how did I arrive at my present perspective?
Life, really. Ballfields and hoops courts. Completing an undergrad education at a predominantly white southern state institution and then earning a law degree from a Historically Black College or University 16 years later helped, but wasn’t necessary.
You can observe racism every day just paying attention. It shouldn’t take a viral video of a knee to the neck, or of a Confederate flag in the U.S. Capitol.
What now? When we taught elementary children the evils of smoking, they got through to their parents. As we combat childhood obesity, kids are coming home asking mom and dad, “Why are you eating chips in front of the TV ?” Think of the dialogues that could ensue if kids came home from school asking about diversity and inherent bias. What if we ask them?
It is important what we say to each other and to our children about the divisive racial politics of Donald Trump. It is critical that in word and deed we condemn it.
My dad used to say that we are all ancestors of ourselves. You are evolved from the you of yesterday, and last year. Keep learning. Keep evolving. Humanely.
N. King Prather is a retired Senior Vice President and General Counsel at Blue Cross Blue Shield of N.C. and a board member at Higher Ed Works. A graduate of the University of Virginia and the N.C. Central University School of Law, he served eight years on the UNC Asheville Board of Trustees. He is currently a member of Gov. Roy Cooper’s DRIVE Task Force, working to increase minorities in teaching.
Marvin Moore says
Great story Mr. Prather.
Given your history of seeing the lack of diversity and inherent biases especially here in NC, what actions have you made personally to bring this to an end?
King Prather says
Thanks for reaching out. Briefly….. utilizing Minority-owned businesses, hiring diverse teams, listening, amplifying the conversation, leading diversity training… I can do more.
Mary Burnette says
Excellent soul searching. The intelligent individual who observed his environment, analysed it, determined what was good or evil, and rejected the evil.
Most of us embrace our environment, internalize and oerpetuate it.
Who said,, “The unexamined life is not worth living”?
Mary O. Burnette says
Correction: “and perpetuate it.”
Mary Burnette
Robert Kanich says
Very Important article. I appreciate the manner of the presentation and it brings to mind another bright man with family ties to The University telling me to not ask what others can do but ask myself what I could do. A paraphrase but meaningful to me and a challenge to me.
Jamila says
Thank you for sharing your story.
Richard Marvin says
I enjoyed your perspective in your article. I too grew up in NC during the segregated south. Even though my parents were not racists, and many of my childhood friends were black, we did not focus nor dwell on the separate but unequal realities for blacks in our community. I still feel guilt for not recognizing the racism that was so obvious in my community where I grew up. Having lived through the Civil Rights movement that continues today it is obvious that systematic racism exists today and can be seen most validly in the reaction of the police to the storming of the Capital. If that had been Blacks or Hispanics, there would have been massive arrests and many dead rioters. We must continue to address this unequal status of our diverse country and deal with the wrongheaded belief that the US is a white country. We are a diverse country of immigrates and races that is the strength of our Republic. We are only exceptional because of our diversity.
Beverly says
What an amazingly authentic self evaluation and introspection. You provided the key toward taking the next critical step, purposefully influencing our children. It’s important that people like you speak up and take action. Thank you for sharing.
David Kiel says
Thanks for telling your story. It is by telling our stories we come to know each other, black and white, Jew and gentile, man and woman. When we know each other we can relate as persons and then find common ground in our humanity.
Jim says
What do you consider the top three racial politics of Donald Trump? Specifics please.
King Prather says
Good question, Jim. Three: his birther claims, his repeated comments about immigrants, and his nods of support to groups like the Proud Boys.
You might continue your research here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racial_views_of_Donald_Trump
Doc McSimpkins says
This transparent piece was beautifully written. There’s nothing like an ally who “gets it”. Fight on Xoxo
Dewey says
Kudos for this moving article! Wish everyone would read and reflect upon these important issues. Happy to read you are using your after legal career years for such valuable causes.
Michael Thomas says
Mr. Prather,
I had the honor of meeting you this morning at the Leicester Community Center. I was there to vote for what I pray is my part in saving our Democratic Republic from the fascist MAGA madness. THANK YOU for this well written, soulful story of truth, introspection, and hope. I hope our paths will cross again, as I wish to be an agent of change for good in our community and in our world.
Michael Thomas